Taking Punches

road-sign-940644_1280Someone said something to me a few weeks ago and I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. It just pops up every now and then. I can hear the voice and everything.

I was sitting at my desk at the beginning of a long shift at work when one of my co-workers, several desks down, looked up and said: “I want to be Tammi.” I remember my surprise and the way I replayed her words to make sure I heard what I thought I heard. My clever reply, of course, was “What?”

So she said it again. “I want to be Tammi. Nothing ever seems to bother you.”

I blinked for a moment as all of my current struggles flashed before my mind’s eye. “No, you don’t. You really really don’t.”

Looking back I am still surprised at her words. I don’t know if I will ever get over the surprise. It isn’t that I have a bad life. I am actually pretty blessed. However, it is not all roses and sunshine. This person knows this. She has been there to see when life sucker punched me over and over. It has taken a while but I think I understand what she meant now. I guess I have rolled with those punches and gotten back up. That is what she was expressing envy for.

I still don’t think it is that big of a deal. I think I do a crappy job at this whole existing as a responsible adult thing. It is hard. Every day is hard. It feels like life is just one big constant fight.

I fight to wake up in the morning. I fight to get Toby to school on time. I fight to get to boxing-415394_1920.jpgwork. I fight the school when they can’t understand Toby’s Autism. I fight to pay bills, to write, to have groceries, to walk the dog, to feed the cats, to wash the laundry and the dishes…every single day is pushing against the wind. It may not seem like it on the outside. Many of these are things everyone has to do.

Simple things take so much energy. I am tired all the time. Which is why I guess I don’t react as much as others when life throws me those sucker punches. I am already fighting. It doesn’t make sense to stop just because I got decked with a harder blow than normal. That doesn’t mean I like it and that doesn’t mean I don’t loudly express my exasperation and frustration. Sometimes I throw myself a toddler style fit until I cry and have to take a nap. I am not unaffected by life’s punches. I just don’t know how to stay down for the count. I don’t wish those punches on anyone else either, because I know how much they hurt. boxing-984174_1920

(I am honestly a little afraid to post this because the universe might see it as a challenge. Please Universe, don’t see my words as a challenge. Life punches hard enough already.)

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Monday already?

Today is Monday.  This may not come as a surprise to most of you, but to me it was a MondayAgainrecent realization.   Recent as in about thirty minutes ago.  I mean I should have known it was Monday.  The kids went to school and everything, but I worked last night and sometimes I loose track of the days.

82nd_Airborne_Mass_Jump-JSOH2006It also didn’t help that I slept hard today.  It was very difficult waking up.  I had to swim my way back to waking world from dreams of being kidnapped by parachuting special forces guys, and being spirited onto a plane to be interrogated by the NSA about some pink goop in mason jar lid, that dissolved the lid.  Then, like the man behind the curtain, the current Speaker of The House showed up to further interrogate me and find out if they wanted to toss me into a secure jail cell or use my great scientific knowledge.  (I’m not sure where they were expecting this great scientific knowledge to come from.  Also the Speaker of the house was wear face power and lip gloss.)

I want to say it was a nightmare because it was creepy, but I guess it was just really weird.  So anyway here are my excuses for not doing a decent post.  I forgot it was Monday,  I was melon cattired, and now my head feels like an over ripe melon.