I am tired. I’ve been tired so long I am not sure what not tired feels like. I can tell you what tired feels like though.
Tired feels like words just out of reach so that there are large gaps when you speak as you try to grasp the word you want or simply remember what it is you are trying to say. Tired is feeling like your eyes are always half closed rusted portals too dry to creak open all the way. Tired feels like effort to breathe, effort to think, effort to stand, sit, or sleep.
Tire feels like slogging along in thick mud caked boots so that each step is heavier than the last. Tired feels like wanting to sleep but knowing that sleep doesn’t help and neither does coffee. Tired is a constant. Or maybe that is just what it feels like right now.
Waking up today feels like pulling myself out of a tub of molasses. In a good way. I slept solid last night. I entered so deeply into the realm of dreams that I don’t remember sleeping and I’ve not quite returned to waking.
Yesterday was my son’s 11th birthday. His party was a lot of fun and I got to meet up with friends I haven’t seen in a long time. It was three hours of happy social interaction but by the time I got home I was done in. Only stubbornness helped me stay awake until a reasonable bedtime. (I would have just given in, but my daughter was out with a friend. I was waiting for her to be brought home.)
After weeks of restless sleep and waking feeling like the day before never stopped; this thick with sleep feeling is welcome. It is cool outside which makes hot coffee all the more enjoyable. I don’t know what this Monday will hold but I am greeting it with a sleepy contented smile and a warm cup.
I am a bit grumpy this morning. I thought about just rolling over and going back to sleep but I have way too much to do today. Hopefully, coffee will fix it.
It is still dark here so there isn’t much of a view from my window at the moment. So, I am also trying pinterest for a mood booster. Which could be dangerous. There are pretty pictures to look at but pinterest is kind of a Pandora’s Box. You can start by looking at landscapes and fairies, then the next thing you know you are looking at steampunk crocodiles and being attacked by a mountain of plot bunnies.
For once, I need not fear the plot bunny. The short story I was working on has been completed and will probably be available on Amazon by tomorrow. (Blood Relations by Tammi A. Miller) I have started a sequel to it already, though I hadn’t planned to.
I do still have a several actual books I need to be working on. However, I am home schooling my son this year. My writing time has become whenever I can make marks on paper. Short stories seem to be the format my writing is taking to adapt to the current situation. Modern technology and google documents are a tremendous help with this. I once wrote on my phone while waiting for a public restroom stall to become free.
*Yawn* I need more coffee. Good luck today my friends. My your writing be creative and you coffee/tea cup be full.
It is roughly 4:30 in the morning where I am right now. I have an alarm set to wake me up at 8:15. No, I am not sleep typing and I didn’t write this in advance and set it to post at dark thirty.
I am awake even though I don’t want to be. I imagine I will want to be awake even less around 8:15. I took a sleep aid, a warm shower, and read The Hobbit to my son for two hours. He fell asleep but I didn’t. I can seem to turn my brain off.
I close my eyes and imagine barrels, heavy laden with dwarves, bobbing down a cold river and then my brain shifts to all the things I need to do before 2 PM and the imagination bubble pops. Out of desperation I am now trying cold cereal.
I agreed to go watch the new Jurassic Park movie after 2:00, so everything that I can accomplish needs to be done before then. I can’t put anything off because my son has plans on Tuesday and I go back to work Wednesday. I can’t even say my to do list contains a lot of writing. It is more like doctor’s appointments and phone calls.
I really need to get this home schooling thing sorted before I have to go back to work. I need to return to the doctor for a follow up on some blood work.(I was supposed to last Wednesday but skipped out because I was exhausted.) I have to set up an appointment for my son. (I’ve forgotten that one for three weeks in a row.) And my daughter needs to get a shot before they will let her back to school this fall.
Really the home schooling is the one I am stressing out over the most. With doctor’s and things I kind of know what to expect. Home school is an unknown variable for me. I don’t have enough information to begin making a plan.
I even gave the poor dog a bath at 1 AM, thinking that maybe if I got at least one thing off my list I would sleep better. The dog was confused but didn’t fight me. He seems to be sleeping well too.
This sleeplessness has been a running theme for me lately. I am tired but I can’t sleep. My brain just won’t go into standby mode. However, my bowl is now empty and the house is two degrees cooler because I fiddled with the thermostat. I guess I will go give it another shot. Maybe writing down my worries has helped.
I wanted to make a decent post about how special my dad is, but to be perfectly honest, there is no way I could do it justice right now. This morning is one of those mornings the phrase”Can Not Brain” was coined for. I keep misspelling things and I am very distracted by my cat. (She is out in the front yard doing cat things. I keep seeing movement out of the corner of my eye and then catch myself gazing out of the window.) Maybe I will try again once the coffee does its job.
If you really must have an actual Father’s Day Post from me, you can read this one from a couple of years ago. (Have I really been writing this blog that long?)
P.S. As I was writing this, I glanced out of my window again to see a Dad pulling his daughter down the street in a red wagon. It made me smile.
It is a chilly Monday morning. The sun hasn’t risen yet but the moon sits heavy in the sky. The air is active, blowing the wisps of clouds across the still dark sky like wraiths flying home to beat the sunrise.
The wind chimes on my porch chink and twinkle sound. Nothing on my street is moving yet. It would be different if this were a typical Monday. Kids would be waiting at the bus stop and the houses would be lit from within as the people rushed around preparing for the day. But there is no school this Monday.
The bus stop kids are probably still snuggled in their beds, enjoying their last day to sleep in. Adults are probably still wrapped in blankets thinking five more minutes won’t hurt.
Right now, in this moment, everything is still except for the wind and the clouds. Right now everything is quiet except for the ring of chimes. It is cold standing on my front porch, still in my pajamas and bare feet, but this is a moment I am glad I didn’t miss.
So I missed a post last Monday. I did notice, after the fact. My work week always has me losing track of days. I think that is why they put the date on the phones at work and hang calenders all over the place.
I have lost count of how many times I have glanced at the phone display and realized that either I have time traveled or it wasn’t the day I thought it was. The calenders are there for a second reference. Once we realize the date we have to check to make sure which day of the week it is. I have gone from phone to calender, then turned to my co-worker to announce “It’s Tuesday!” on multiple occasions.
Sometimes this is met with a “Well, yeah.” And sometimes it is met with a “It is?!”
But today, today I am not at work. (At least not the money paying one.) Today is most definitely Monday. I didn’t even have to check the phone or calender. I could hear Monday in the chirp of the alarm clock and the desire to stay huddled in my blankets.
Monday was in the way my kids trudged to the bathroom and ate breakfast with half opened eyes. Monday was the fog hanging thick in the air as if the world itself wasn’t ready to be awake. Monday was evident in the slow drivers and the coffee commercials on the radio. (Coffee commercials are always on the radio but today they all sounded so much more appealing.)
Monday is in the phone call I just received from my son while writing this post. He forgot his glasses and I need to bring them to him, so this post will have to be cut short. Monday Calls.