I haven’t felt much like writing lately. I think my depression has raised its head to torment me because I really haven’t felt much like doing anything. I also haven’t been sleeping well. It just seems that everyone either needs something from me or wants to tell me what to do lately. I just want to hole up in a cabin somewhere away from people. I want to turn my phone off. I don’t want to check social media or talk to anyone on the phone. I don’t even want to text.
When I sleep I have nightmares. When I am awake there is always something I have to do. Reservations for a hotel for Libertycon, change reservations for Libertycon, cancel old reservations (still need to do that), make optometrist appointments for the kids because I am tired of wiring together my son’s glasses with jewelry wire, doctor’s appointments, therapy appointments….the list goes on and on. I just want to be for a little while. I want to just sit here and not worry about work or paying bills or fixing the car or the toilet. I just want to sit still and breathe.
My internet decided to cut out on me today while I was online. My first emotion was confusion, followed quickly by panic. I realize internet access isn’t exactly necessary for my continued existence but I like having the ability to converse with three people at once without being in a crowded room. I like having articles and information at my finger tips. I like knowing that my random questions can be answered in just a few clicks of a button.
Sure I frequent the library. I read paper books. I have the ability to look things up the old fashioned way but I like the convenience and the entertainment provided by internet access. Maybe I am addicted. I don’t think so though, because I do go several days at a time not even thinking about clicking the firefox icon. (Those are the days my email piles up and I have to go through and delete 25 national geographic offers and dozens of sale flyers from all those places with loyalty cards and my email address.)
Having so much information and communicative power at your finger tips could go to a persons head. That is why we must be sure to use it wisely.