Be Still

walnut-tree-stormI’ve been stressed. I woke up this morning knowing I have to go to work, I have to pay the electric bill, I have to get the kids up, feed them, and make them do their school work. I have to write the other four or five pages of an essay that is due by midnight and I have to learn enough about the Philippine War in order to write a paper about it as well. That one may also be due today. I honestly can’t remember. I am so far behind in my other two classes that I am afraid to look at the due dates.

So my life has been one massive “I have to”. I woke up this morning and realised I can’t bigger-viewremember the last time I read a book for enjoyment. For me, that is like waking up not remembering when I breathed last. Before school started I would read several books a week.

As I lay in bed watching the ceiling fan, I did a playback of this week. It has been extra crummy. I was late to work yesterday. Wednesday a customer got me mad enough that I walked around the grocery store for awhile before coming home. (I had to do grocery shopping anyway.) The list goes on, but this moment of introspection made me realise something. I haven’t had many moments of introspection lately either and that is something I need.

red-treeI need to decompress. I need a few moments of silence away from computers and textbooks. Watching a thirty-minute tv show or going to local county fair may be fun, but they aren’t what I am needing. I think I am taking time out doing those things but really I am just providing more for my over-stimulated brain to take in.
What I really need is a few moments with a cup of tea on the front porch watching the leaves change. I need a hot bath to soak in and to just be. I need a walk in the woods. I need to let my brain download and file away all the things that are daily crammed into it.

If I take that time everything else usually falls into place a lot easier.

Advertisements

A Monday Moment

taken by Nanette Eubanks
Picture taken by Nanette Eubanks

It is a chilly Monday morning. The sun hasn’t risen yet but the moon sits heavy in the sky. The air is active, blowing the wisps of clouds across the still dark sky like wraiths flying home to beat the sunrise.

The wind chimes on my porch chink and twinkle sound. Nothing on my street is moving yet. It would be different if this were a typical Monday. Kids would be waiting at the bus stop and the houses would be lit from within as the people rushed around preparing for the day. But there is no school this Monday.

The bus stop kids are probably still snuggled in their beds, enjoying their last day to sleep in. Adults are probably still wrapped in blankets thinking five more minutes won’t hurt.

Right now, in this moment, everything is still except for the wind and the clouds. Right now everything is quiet except for the ring of  chimes. It is cold standing on my front porch, still in my pajamas and bare feet, but this is a moment I am glad I didn’t miss.

Confessions of an Introvert

1483034_561558493939194_2036629757_nThere are some days when I can’t stand to be around people, even ones  I like.  It just feels like everything is too loud.  I have anxiety depression anyway so I don’t do well in large crowds, but sometimes I don’t do well with just two or three people around either.  Especially when I just wake up and everyone tries to talk to me at once.

The words don’t make it through. I just hear voices and noise.  There are times when I just loudwant quiet.  However, I don’t exactly want to be left alone either.  It would be nice to be able to sit quietly with someone every now and again.

books girlI think that is one of the reasons I like books so much.  They aren’t loud but I don’t feel alone either.  I need people.  I need interaction. But I also need my quiet moments.