Tied up in stress knots

cat-320537_1920My brain feels like dirty, knotted, tangled string. Usually when I get out of work for the week I am eventually able to shake off work like pool water and focus on the part of my life that is the reason I work like I do. Even though I am free from my night job today and I slept last night, I feel depressed. I don’t know if it was the extra work day, the busy week, or the constant feeling that I carry most of my shift after all the day people leave.

My daughter is doing her teenaged angst thing again because she is having trouble at school with grades and other kids. I imagine she feels the same about school as I do work. I wish I could fix it all.

I wish I could write. I know as a writer, unless you are a giant name, it is a struggle to make art-89198_1920a living. I know that if I do get all the books that I have in progress finished and out, and even if they do well, I would not be making more that I do now. I would still be balancing bills and paying late fees. However, I think that would be better.
I don’t know how to explain it. I would still be under pressure and stress. I would be working without a safety net. There would be no guarantee I would bring in money. However, being able to pay bills without my shoulders being partially dislocated from heavy stock and my upper back in constant pain from spending hours bent over hanging stickers has its appeal.

road-sign-940644_1280I know this isn’t very cheerful for a blog post. I didn’t really intend to write a post but this is where my fingers lead me when I decided to try to write out my current problems. I could have tucked it away in a writing folder or scribbled it out in my journal, but I thought maybe if I put it here I might get some feed back. Maybe someone might have an idea. At the very least if there is someone else out there feeling the same they will know they are not alone.

 

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Meetings, Bills, and Doughnuts

Monday, Monday. The fact that I remember what day it is should be cause for rejoicing.  The fact that I also remembered to post should mean balloons, a parade, and cake. Sadly, as I look out my window, I see none of those things.

We did have doughnuts at a meeting at work, but I had to stay after work for the meeting so that kind of took the joy out it. I still devoured a couple of glazed confections but the meeting left me glassy eyed. (Coming off of a twelve hour shift that isn’t hard to accomplish.)

After the meeting ended, instead of coming directly home, I had to run by the electric company and have a chat with them. My water bill had bi-polar. One month it was normal and reasonable then suddenly it jumped to extremes.

The people I spoke with were very nice. They are looking into the problem and in the mean time reimbursing me for some of the bill and for when I had problem with the toilet constantly running way back in March. I was surprised. I had no clue they took leaks and such into account.

It is time for me to go to bed. I am feeling a bit punch drunk and I am spending more time starring at the computer than typing.  Tomorrow I have to stop by my insurance company to discuss my home and auto insurance.

I stopped by today, after the electric company, but their computers were down. I am trying to find a way to save a little money.  I used to have my home and auto bundled together and I am looking to do it again. Separating them was a mistake.

🙂 All of this taking care of things makes me feel like a real grown up.

I’m not really, you know. I’m just good at faking it when the need arises. Now if I can just pull the act off when I meet the kids’ teachers for the first time next week…