Life kicks like a mule sometimes

Life isn’t going that well for me at the moment. Wednesday I lost the job I’ve been at for almost three years. Originally when I took the job, I didn’t plan on being there that long. It was just something I could do while I went back to school for my Bachelors and then found something I’d like. Obviously, that plan crashed and burned.

I did manage to go back to school and get my Bachelors but my son was also diagnosed with Autism and my other child with some mental health issues. My time became split between work and doctor’s appointments. It was doubtful any new employer would work with my new time constraints, so I just stayed on where I was.

There were issues when I would have to suddenly leave because my son was having a meltdown at school or when I would be a few minutes late to work because my son didn’t sleep at all the night before so neither did I. I would still show up and do my job to the best of my ability but being a single parent of a special needs child, even one that is high functioning, takes its toll.

Then this past Winter everyone got the flu. I worked in a call center so the people there just passed it back and forth. This meant a lot of people were out sick when others decided simply not to show up. The powers that be were very unhappy about the sudden lack of employees showing up to work. Parents had to stay home with sick kids, myself included.

So a lot of people got written up, also myself included. Then in May, they implemented a new attendance policy. Zero tolerance. You got a certain number of sick hours and if you missed anytime outside of that you would be written up. Usually, if you are going to use vacation time or anything like that it has to be done in five-minute increments.

Fast forward to last week when I had one of those nights that my son didn’t sleep. Every fifteen minutes he was in my room needing a glass of milk or just to tell me he wasn’t feeling well, or couldn’t sleep. Every 15 minutes. I was ready to cry by the time the alarm went off the next morning. I had managed maybe an hour and a half of sleep and had to go spend the next 11 hours at work.

I made it to work on time but by lunch, I was the walking dead. My eyes burned and there was not enough coffee in the world. I was four minutes late back from lunch. Then my final break came around and I filled up my water bottle and went to the bathroom. These tasks don’t take long but somehow I was three minutes late back from that break.

The next day I received a message from my boss asking me to explain why I was four minutes late to work the previous Monday and why I was late from lunch and break the day before. I told the truth.  I could remember the previous Monday and the day before I was running on an hour and a half of sleep. It was 11 minutes spread over a two week period. I had been on time to and from everything else except for those few minutes.

However, I had previous write-ups. It takes a full year from the time of the write up for them to go away. So on Wednesday, right after leaving a med management appointment, I got a phone call letting me know they were terminating my employment. (By the way, my boss is one of the sweetest people on the planet. She was only doing what she was required to do by her bosses.)

I cried a lot but I have kids to take care of, so I set about getting them to and from their appointments. The next day I started the job search. Friday I took my son to therapy, which is about 45 minutes from where we live. On the way home the car tried to overheat.

I called my brother who couldn’t come immediately but did come over the next day along with my dad. The ruled out the water pump and the fan, finally coming to the conclusion that the head gasket needed to be replaced.  That isn’t a simple repair.

My brother thought, if I was careful, I might be able to make short trips around town but nothing more. Today I tried it out. It almost overheated on me twice. I got the car home by running the heater full blast. So now I have no job and a faulty car.

Fortunately, my bills are covered for the rest of this month, but next month is just around the corner. I am not sure what I am going to do. I have problems sitting idle. If you want to send good vibes or prayers my way feel free. I could use it.

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Pollination

    62572449_10211128159879117_3492421234761662464_n I have about five tomato plants. I bought them as seedlings and they have grown tremendously. One is even up past my knees. I don’t eat tomatoes but I wanted to grow something. I got into a discussion with a friend of mine about tomatoes and made a deal. If I grow them then she will eat them.
    Now, I have five healthy tomato plants. They’ve put out a few blooms but when it comes to bearing fruit only one plant out of the five has managed it. The tomatoes are also smaller than what they should be. That week of hot weather we had probably has taken a toll.
     I talked to my mom about it and we are going to give them some more plant food to see if that helps, but she also mentioned the lack of bees. I mean I’ve read the articles and everything, I know that bees are endangered and that it is a very bad thing for the entire world. It was even mentioned in a Doctor Who episode once. Its why I have a random pot of wildflowers growing near the back fence that I just leave alone and let do their thing. Yet, I cannot actually recall seeing many bees this year. Maybe a bumble bee or two but none of the honey bees that usually buzz around the clover.
Now, as I look at my tomato plants I am saddened. When I first got them I actually worried that five plants would produce too many tomatoes for me to give to my friend and she would grow tired of them. So far I’ve managed only three and one of those we laughed about because it was so small.
I set out to grow tomatoes but now as I look at the plants on my porch steps I realize I unwittingly grew an environmental science experiment instead. I must say I am unhappy with the findings.62638278_10211128162319178_1378712552447410176_n.jpg

To Sleep…

Little-dreamer-daydreaming-30420185-500-375There are usually a couple of reasons I can’t sleep. Very rarely is it because I am not tired. The more likely reason is that my thoughts are too loud.

I will lay there in the cool dark with the ceiling fan stirring the air, and instead of just enjoying the peaceful silence my mind starts to wander. I think about work and the kids. I think about all the things in life I could be better at. I feel guilty about the things I didn’t get done that day or the fact that I am making the dog stay outside in the back yard because she keeps peeing in the floor. (She will be out for hours and then come in and pee on the floor for no reason. I really don’t understand why.)

Depression closes in around me and I just continue to spiral downward for hours until I finally pass out or it is time to get up again. To bypass this, I often read before bed. However, this is a double-edged sword because I have a problem putting a book down once I start. So if I am not careful I will not sleep for reading too much.

There are over the counter sleep aids that I can take but I usually only go with those if I don’t have to get up early. Even if I try to go to bed early I am still groggy the next day. Often I end up feeling the same as if I haven’t slept.

I also have an autistic son that likes to wake me up after I’ve been asleep for a couple of hours. It is usually because he needs something so I feel guilty getting annoyed about it, but it is just so hard to go back to sleep once someone wakes me up. It feels like it is twice as hard as just going to sleep to begin with.

I am having trouble sleeping right now. I thought maybe writing a few words would clear some brain space for sleep. Here’s hoping it works. Sweet dreams everyone.John_George_Brown_-_Sleeping_angel

Lost and Found

rain-2538429_1920I’ve not been writing much. Honestly, I’ve not been doing a lot of anything that isn’t strictly necessary. Last week I read a lot and watch Good Omens when it was released to Amazon Prime on Friday. (It was awesome.) Sunday I went to the movies to watch the live action version of Aladdin. It was pretty good.

I’ve paid my bills, I’ve gone to work, I’ve made sure everything or everyone I’m responsible for has been fed…but it has all been just me on autopilot. I suppose I could blame the unseasonably warm temperatures or depression, maybe even a combo of the two. Anyway, I didn’t even notice that I was on autopilot until Friday.

The book Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman has always been one of my gofavorites. I took a course on British Literature in college and as a final project, the teacher had us choose a work by a British author and do a presentation on it. There were the usual picks like Chaucer or Shakespeare that the rest of my classmates went with but I waited after class to ambush speak with the professor in order to convince him to allow me to use Good Omens. (The only rule he had given us was that the author had to be of British origin.)

At first, he was hesitant because he wanted us to do a project on something he was familiar with. However, I had come prepared. I gave him a copy of the book I just happened to have on hand and told him a short synopsis.

Basically, I told him that the book is about the end of the world, they’ve misplaced the ertg3e54grantichrist, and the four horsemen ride motorcycles. (The motorcycle part was the important bit because I knew he rode as well.) Anyway, I got permission and passed the assignment with flying colors.  It was more difficult to pull the project together because there was less to work with.  The people who pick Hamlet or Canterbury Tales had tons of sources to choose from. I had a few pieces of fan art, the book itself, and some author interviews. But it was worth it because I got a chance to share something I loved with the rest of my class. No one else had read it, outside of the professor.

MV5BOTI5Y2M3NmQtNDg5ZC00OTQ0LWEzOGYtMjM4Zjg0YzY0M2I0XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjkwNzEwMzU@._V1_So this past Friday I realized it was May 31, 2019. It caught me off guard. The date was etched in my mind because I had been waiting over a year for Amazon to bring one of my favorite books to life. I had high hopes because they had cast David Tennent as Crowley and I knew he would be able to pull it off. Yet instead of eagerly counting down the days, the day arrived without me noticing. That was when it hit me how much of a fog I’ve been in.

I sat down that afternoon and watched all six hours of Good Omens. The story unfolded perfectly and I was excited as I waited for each new episode to start. I felt for the characters when bad things happened, I laughed at the jokes, and I enjoyed trying to spot all the Doctor Who references they snuck in.  During those six hours, I shook off my fog and came back to life.

So here I am. Back to me again. I don’t like being lost like that. It’s a scary thing and I’d like to prevent it from reoccurring.

 

Monday

snoopyThis Monday snuck up on me. I’m not sure what happened to the weekend. Friday afternoon was hot. I remember that. There is no air conditioning in my car and the window don’t roll down. We had to go to appointments in the next city over so the kids and I were well done by the time we got home. Everyone went to bed early.

Saturday I went to visit my folks and my dad fixed the passenger side window so now we have at least one window that rolls down. I took a walk with my camera and took a bunch of pictures but haven’t actually sat down and looked at what I took.

Sunday we went to see Detective Pikachu. It was an okay movie. I probably would have enjoyed it more if we hadn’t missed the first 20 minutes. When we got to the theater we were directed to screen 6. So that is where we went. We waited long past the time for the movie to start. I had a feeling from the moment we sat down that something was off. Soon some nice gentlemen showed up and were really confused because we were in their seats. Turns out screen 6 was showing John Wick 3. (Which I wouldn’t have minded watching too.) Detective Pikachu was actually playing on screen 4 which was on the other side of the theater. Fortunately, our seats were in the very back as you entered so we didn’t disturb anyone else by our late arrival but it still annoyed me that we were sent to the wrong area and I was annoyed at myself for not listening to my gut.

Afterward, we stopped by the bookstore for a couple of new books. My eldest was going through emotions like bored couch potato flipping channels. My youngest found two books and was ready to go home immediately thereafter. We decided to call it a day. Everyone went to bed early last night.

This morning I awoke to the alarm going off and realized I hadn’t packed lunches or any of the things I usually do the night before. Clean clothes had to be pulled out of the dryer and random things stuffed into lunch boxes before everyone head out the door. I am pretty sure we may have even forgotten to let the dog in last night. (Not that she minded. She likes it outside at night because it is cooler and she does have a sheltered place to sleep. She came in for breakfast and wanted right back out.)

I also realized I didn’t do my usual weekend blog post which is why I am writing this on a Monday morning. I am not ready for the responsibility of a new week. I’m going to need extra coffee or something. 524px-S2e8_jake_drinking_hot_tea

Goodbye Uncle Timmy

Uncle Timmy is gone. That is a hard thing to consider and I didn’t even know him as well as many others. Uncle Timmy was this larger than life person. This everlasting Uncle to everyone. You adopted him as soon as you met him and only realized what happened later.

Uncle Timmy was real life magic. He ran a convention where hundreds of strangers gathered to meet with like-minded individuals and left as family. He had an amazing ability to listen. If you had a question he would listen, pause for a moment and then provide an answer. He provided direction and a sense of support to even those of us who didn’t know him that well. If you were at Libertycon and ran into a problem, you could always go to Uncle Timmy. I never really had to, outside of directions, but I knew that I could if I needed to because Uncle Timmy told me so and he meant it.

Uncle Timmy you will be missed.

 

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You’ve set sail for the Undying Lands

leaving the rest of us mortals behind

The gentle waves carry you onward

as we watch through blurring eyes

You have earned your peaceful rest

though we are left heavy hearted

Wise Uncle and keeper of magics

too soon have you departed

Such loving spark in a human soul

so caring, clever, and so kind

Too soon will it always be

to those who are left behind

No Spoilers

silence-3810106_1920Today I am going to see Avenger’s Endgame. I haven’t seen it yet so you can read this without the fear of spoilers. (Which is why I am writing this now and not later.) I am actually really annoyed right now.

Many of my friends and coworkers have already seen the movie, which is great. I am happy they enjoyed it but I also appreciate that they keep any information about the movie to themselves until I have had a chance to enjoy it as well. I have managed this past week rather well, avoiding any hints of what happens. Then today, mere hours before I am to see the movie, two separate people tried to ruin it for me. (It was almost three, but that I managed to convey to the third person that if they valued their life they would keep their mouth shut.)

It is great if you read or watch something you really enjoy. It’s okay to tell me if you enjoyed something and make the suggestion for me to watch or read it as well if you think its something I will enjoy. However, do not tell me all the major plot points or the ending. If I ask for details, that’s fine, but to go around spewing spoilers unsolicited or to purposely cause problems…that’s being a jerk. Don’t be a jerk.