I am sitting trembling under a table right now. I just had my first major panic attack in seven years. I’ve had anxiety attacks by the dozens but actual panic attacks are rare.
I’ve calmed down a good deal or I wouldn’t be able to write this. My hands are still shaking so it is hard to press the right letters on my phone. I have turned off the lights and that seems to have helped. I’ve also sung the alphabet song in my head a dozen times or more. I went with twinkle twinkle Little Star too.
It sounds silly I know. But right now I feel like high impact glass that has been shattered. I am still in one piece but I have hundreds of cracks running through me and one more blow will sent it all crashing to the ground. A large broken pile of sharp cutting edges.
Anxiety attacks and Panic attacks are terrifying. Your own body has turned against you. You feel like you should run but you can’t even if you wanted to because you can’t breath. I can’t even talk to anyone right now without crying and spiraling back down into another attack.
Instead I am sitting in the dark, typing out a blog post, hoping that writing it out will help. My logical mind is still functional. I just can get control of everything else.
For those who may think I am being silly or stupid, then maybe you should try it and see how it feels. Being strong isn’t as easy as it looks.