b : fearful concern or interest
c : a cause of anxiety
Or in my words…You know when you get butterflies in your stomach? It’s kinda like that. A really really bad case of the butterflies, only super mutant butterflies. And they don’t stay in your stomach. No those nasty little buggers move out to your chest, arms, and head too until it feels like you are shaking apart from the inside.
The worst part is that you know that whatever triggered your attack isn’t really that big of a deal. It may feel like it, but in the end you know that it isn’t as bad. Not that it matters, you’re trapped inside yourself until the attack passes.
You fake being okay because you don’t want to be labeled. You’re not okay, but only those who know you well will take note of how wide your eyes are or if you seem a bit “twitchy or bitchy” If you’re like me, then you do your damnedest to make sure people don’t know until you just can’t take it any more. You try to pretend everything is normal and hope they don’t notice how reedy or high your voice sounds, or take note of the panic in your voice. And you wait for it to pass and you breath because that is all you can do. It will pass. But only in it’s own time. Waiting can be hard.
I had a rough night battling with this.