Feeling Insecure

marilyn-monroe-selfish-quoteToday I feel timid. I feel insecure. I feel like a kid trying to swim in the adult pool, like a kinder garden finger painter sitting next to Monet, like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on  a plate next to roasted pheasant and herb potatoes.

This happens sometimes.  I like to read authors who have been at this writing thing a lot longer than me and have had some success at it.  I read their work and their blogs.  Sometimes I learn things but sometimes in my weaker moments I question myself.

I am kind of a newbie.  I mean I have been writing stories ever since I learned to form you_fail_only_if_you_stop_writingletters with a crayon but I haven’t focused on writing.  Right after high school I had some thought of being a writer.  I wrote a lot of pieces of stories but finished very few.  I even sent a few of the more complete ones off to magazines.  (It embarrasses me now how blind I was then to how poor the work I sent in was.  It could have been so much better.)

Marriage, kids, life, deaths,getting jobs, losing jobs, divorce…a lot has happened since I was that naive girl writing and rewriting the first three chapters of a book I never finished.  Now I am focused.  Now I am serious. I’ve only been serious for about three years though.

Before that writing still happened.  I’ve never stopped writing but I never gave any thought to my writing either. I didn’t pay attention to what I was doing or try to figure out how to do things better.  I didn’t try to learn or perfect my craft.

awesomeNow I do. I am learning and working on being the best I can.  I have goals that I am working toward.  I am a newbie because I am still floundering around trying to find my way.  I am not ashamed of my shaky steps and my newbie status but occasionally…I have my doubts.

This is why someone bought me a t-shirt for my birthday that states “You’re an Awesome 15Writer. Now get back to work.”  It is written backwards so that it can be read in the mirror.  To people who see it, it’s just a funny t-shirt.  To me it is a reminder.  Even if I don’t feel like an awesome writer, when I read those words I remember I am getting there.  I just have to get back to work….

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